How Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Affects Families
What can families do to care for themselves and the survivor?
Trauma survivors and their families often don't know what to do or where to turn. This is especially true for families of members of the National Guard or Reserves since they do not have easy access to family support services that may be available at an active duty military base.
Family members of a traumatized person should find out as much as they can about PTSD and get help for themselves, even if their loved one doesn't seek treatment. Family members can encourage the survivor to inquire about education and counseling, but they should not pressure or try to force their loved one to get help.
Classes or treatment may also be useful for stress and anger management, addiction, couples communication or parenting.
While in the process of getting help, if family members feel comfortable, they should let their loved one know that they are willing to listen if the survivor would like to talk about his or her trauma. But the family should stop if anyone gets too upset or overwhelmed.
If everyone is able, it is also important to talk about how the trauma is affecting the family and what can be done about it.
A combat-related traumatic experience that happens to one member of a family can affect everyone in that family. Below are some of the different ways that the symptoms of PTSD may affect an entire family. A family may experience many of these reactions, or only a few. All, however, are common in families who are living with someone suffering from the symptoms of PTSD.
Sympathy
Sympathy and support from family members can be helpful for the person who has experienced the trauma, especially just after the traumatic event occurs. People, especially family members, feel very sorry that someone they care about has gone through a terrifying experience.
After a while, though, sympathy from family members can have a negative effect. When family members' sympathy leads to ‘babying’ the trauma survivor, it may send a message that the family doesn't believe that he or she is strong enough to overcome the ordeal. For example, if a wife has so much sympathy for her husband that she doesn't expect him to work after a traumatic combat experience, the husband may read into it that she doesn't have confidence in his ability to recover and go back to work. This is especially difficult for our fighting men and women to accept since they just came from an environment where they were expected to be strong and capable because their and their buddies’ lives depended on it.
Depression
Depression is common among family members of someone dealing with PTSD. The trauma survivor may feel too anxious to go out on family outings as he or she did in the past. The trauma survivor may not be able to work because of PTSD symptoms. As a result, children whose father or mother can't be in crowds because of combat trauma may feel hurt that their parent won't come to watch them in school activities.
The family income may decrease because of the trauma survivor’s inability to work and family members may get depressed over financial problems. When PTSD lasts for a long time, family members can begin to lose hope that their loved one or their family will ever get "back to normal."
Fear and worry
Very often, trauma survivors feel "on edge" and become preoccupied with safety. When one person in a family is very worried about safety, it can make everyone else worry, too. However, something that helps one person feel safe − like keeping a loaded weapon under the bed − may make another person feel unsafe.
Family members can experience fear when the trauma survivor is angry or aggressive.
A mother might worry that her son who becomes angry at the least provocation will be injured in a fight or get in trouble with the police. The person’s inability to keep a job because of trauma-related problems may cause his or her family to worry constantly about money and the future.
Anger
Family members may feel angry about the trauma and how it has affected their lives. They may be angry at whomever they believe is responsible for the traumatic event and they can also develop anger towards the trauma survivor.
Family members may feel that the survivor should just "forget about it" and get on with life. Family members may also get angry in response to the anger and irritability the trauma survivor directs at them.
Negative feelings
Sometimes family members have surprisingly negative feelings about the traumatized family member. They may feel the trauma survivor no longer exhibits the qualities that they loved and admired. A person who was outgoing before a trauma may become withdrawn. A person who was fun-loving and easy-going before the trauma may become ill-tempered. It may be hard to feel good toward a person who seems to have changed in many ways.
Family members may also respond negatively to behaviors that develop following a trauma. For instance, family members may be disgusted by a woman's over-drinking in response to a traumatic combat event.
Drug and alcohol abuse
Drug and alcohol abuse can become a problem for the families of trauma survivors. Family members may also try to escape from bad feelings by using drugs or drinking. A child or spouse may spend time drinking with friends to avoid having to go home and face an angry parent or spouse. On the other hand, spouses sometimes abuse drugs or alcohol to keep their loved ones "company" when they're drinking or using drugs to avoid trauma-related feelings.
Sleep problems
Sleep can become a problem for family members, especially when it is a problem for the trauma survivor. When the trauma survivor stays up late to avoid going to sleep, can't get to sleep, tosses and turns in his or her sleep, or has nightmares, it is difficult for family members to sleep well. Often family members are also unable to sleep well because they are depressed and/or they are worried about the survivor.
Health problems
Family members of trauma survivors can develop health problems for a number of reasons. Habits, such as drinking, smoking, misusing prescription drugs and not exercising may worsen as a result of coping with a loved one's trauma responses.
In addition, many illnesses can be caused by trauma-related stress if it goes on for an extended period of time. When family members constantly feel anxious, worried, angry, or depressed, they are more likely to develop stomach problems, bowel problems, headaches, muscle pain, and other health problems.
Confidential help is available
You're not alone. We're here to help. The Illinois Warrior Assistance Program is a free program for returning Veterans. Confidential assistance is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Call now – 866-554-IWAP (4927).
Created by Magellan Health Services staff; reviewed by Magellan clinical staff